Top 15 Things a Man Shouldn’t Worry About
We’re all kids on the inside, even though we’re all walking around in grown men’s bodies. That’s ok. Once we don’t want to have friendships that go a little too far with those kids, I reckon we’re ok.
But no matter how mature or grown up we get, there are always some things that will freak us out. We think it happens to no one else, but it does.
Here’s our list of the Top 15 Things that a Man Shouldn’t Worry About (but will anyway).
Walking up the stairs
In the house all on your own and it’s time to go to bed. Turn out the lights, turn off the telly and head out the door. You look at the stairs knowing what’s ahead, but you trundle on regardless.
The first few steps are fine, it’s the fourth or fifth step that gets your heart starts pumping over time and there’s that little voice in your head that fucks with you.
“There’s a monster coming up the stairs behind you. Ignore your adult common sense, you know it to be true. Run. Run. RRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!”
And by the time you’ve reached the top of the stairs you’re in a cold sweat and there’s no way in cold hell that you’re looking back. Which leads us on to….
Checking under the bed
You won’t actually check under the bed as a grown man, but it’ll cross your mind. It could be the monster that chased you up the stairs. Sure, you didn’t see it, but that’s it’s greatest achievement.
Open wardrobe door
I know plenty of grown men, some my father’s age who will just not, scratch that, can not sleep if there’s an open wardrobe door in the bedroom. Why? Because even if the monster is under the bed, he won’t quite know when you’re asleep so that he can pounce on you. But with an open wardrobe door to spy on you from, he’ll just jump right out and bugger you the very second that you nod off.
I don’t know how many times I’ve woken up with the feeling like I’d been fiddled with, with no rational explanation. So I always close the wardrobe doors.
Leg hanging over the edge of the bed
It’s a scientific fact that a leg hanging over the edge of the bed will result in it being eaten by a monster under your bed, or a spider landing on it from the ceiling, or some sex fiend coming in and sucking the toes off you.
Staring into a mirror
Poor Butters did it in South Park and Biggie Smalls wanted to pop a cap in his ass. If you do this, your mind will play tricks with you and you’ll see some messed up shit.
I did it once and Twink appeared in the reflection in a crotchless body stocking. I’ll never do it again.
Clowns are scary as Twink with a horn. Pennywise the clown used to eat Kellogg’s Chocolate Testicles for breakfast. None of us ever wanted to be the testicles. Clowns are all certified sex offenders too. Fact. I was a clown once.
Your toys coming to life when you’re asleep
Forget Toy Story, remember Child’s Play?