It’s Monday, and chances are that you’re either sat in work or college and should be working, but instead you’re reading this. Well, there’s nowt wrong with that, but given that it’s Monday you really don’t want to be there.
So why not make Mondays a bit better with some manly facts?
Because we can make Mondays even more awesome by giving you some manly facts about boobs.
No fan fare, just facts. And boobs.
* The late French porn star Lolo Ferrari is credited as having the world’s largest breast implants. During her lifetime, she had 22 surgeries to make her breasts 73 inches round!
* A study supposedly published in the New England Journal of Medicine said that staring at women’s breasts for just 10 minutes a day can improve a man’s health and add four to five years to his life. The German study was carried out by a certain Dr. Karyn Weatherby who said that ogling at busty beauties is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout. She said this gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation, cutting the risk of stroke and heart attack by half!
* The Milky Way Galaxy is so named because the ancient Greeks thought it was made from drops of milk from the breasts of the Greek goddess Hera.
* A survey made by bra maker Triumph found that British women have the biggest boobs in Europe. More than half the women in that country wear a size D cup or larger. Denmark scored second while Holland was third. On the other hand, Italian women had the smallest breasts where 68 percent had a size B, the same survey said. But don’t lose hope. Researchers said breast size has been increasing in the Western world for the past 10 – 15 years.
* In Hong Kong, you can get a degree in Bra Studies from the Hong Kong Polytechnic University where they teach you how to design and build a bra. Recently, the students exhibited their designs at the ACE Style Institute of Intimate Apparel at the ITC Resource Centre.
* Ladies, the skin surrounding the breasts needs special care. It’s thin. You should moisturize with a firming cream that stimulates collagen and elastin growth as well as UV protection (and retinol). This will help prevent wrinkling. Your nipples can get dry so use an emollient like Vaseline on them daily. If at any time you need help with said application, don’t you fucking dare hesitate in asking me.
Some facts about BOOOOOOOOOBS that we wish were true:
* Bras offer no more support than a tight white, see through wet t-shirt. In fact we’re pretty sure that bras cause herpes. Ladies, stop wearing them.
* Men are obsessed with boobs, because ever since we were just babies, they’ve been the center of our worlds. We’d get hungry and cry out until one was put in our mouth, then when our mouths and stomachs were filled with the warming goodness, we’d be happy as a baby on a boobie.
* I once motorboated a woman who was totally out of my league. It was awesome and I got an instant tingle in my winky. I lost control though and dribbled a bit. She stopped answering her phone after that.
* It’s not just boobs that make a woman sexy. Personality, charm, intelligence are all things that a woman must have. And a nice bum bum.
Oh, and for those of you who would be of the opinion that I posted this as nothing more than an excuse to talk about boobs, I give you this video: